There's nothing wrong with me. I'm born in a happy family, with adequate access to information and exposure to the arts. My parents love me, they give me everything I want. My brother loves me even more, he gives me everything he wants for himself.

Yet I'm so upset, over the things I don't have. Among other things, recongition, goals, time, friends who don't mind picking my mistakes openly and keep on staying as my friend. I'm obsessed with failures. I don't mind failing multiple times and gaining insight in the progress.

Unlike me, the people around me don't want failures, they want success. They shy away from me, the person who invites failures. I'm a jinx. I'm someone who screws up the thinking of other people. With me, things can never stay rational. Sometimes I wonder if the insides of my left brain even contain logic.

If the above is an accurate deduction, I should probably walk down the roads of a role-player, or in other words, an android. One who has no identity, behaves with hypocrisy, is nice to everyone and always making sure nobody complains. I have done that for 9 years already, since Primary School. There's nothing wrong with going back there.

But Yang, through you and what you've taught me, I've tasted what it feels like to be a real human. To be myself. Have I fallen into a trap? Or is this path I'm walking down now, the path to respecting my own identity, the true path? Should I ignore those who detest me and complain about me for trivial reasons? Should I do as what befits me? Or should I be a good little robot and make everyone happy?

What person is he to me? Why is it that everytime he is upset with me, I'll just break down and post melodramatic posts like this? And most of the times it is a really really trivial matter. Is it that the way he ends our conflicts always result in me looking like the bad guy? If that is so, it definitely didn't seem so to him. He is a kind man who dislikes conflicts. On the other hand, I love conflicts, especially those from which both parties emerge smarter. I love him. It is just that he doesn't have time for me.

I really hope I'm just a normal kid, not a jinx, an android or a nuisance.

I'm just a normal kid, a really, really, neurotic normal kid.