::: a dark alley :::

Saturday, August 18, 2007

3:49 pm

Doubt

The fateful days of the exam are drawing near and I have done nothing much to prepare for the papers. In these two weeks, I have been drifting away due to fatigue. Dissonance was the usual crimelord. It was a battle royal inside my mind...

Incoherent speech. That's all I am capable of since I have learnt to read, write and speak. Seemingly meaningful words placed together in hastily constructed sentences, resulting in utter nonsense. I have begun to doubt my intellectual abilities a few days before. You're still young, my mother said to me. But I know myself, that I am old enough. I am already as old as Captain Bright (Bright-san in Japanese) at the time of the One Year War, when he assumed command of the Pegasus-class battle cruiser, the White Base.

Given time, I believe, my brain will sort itself up again by forgetting some of the ideas learnt, just like it always did. Right now, I will have to concentrate on doing well for my papers, making sure I secure my entry to a local university, allowing me to question myself if whatever passion I had for the Computer Sciences still remained.

I was an idealist. Now, much to my own chagrin, I have already accepted elements of the reality as part of my ideals. Will my thinking continue to change as I go through the National Service, out into the working world? Will I still be able to preach against the whole "human realism evil" nonsense and work, with other like-minded individuals, to create a utopian future?

Doubt reigns.

Side-note: I think I am one of the people who continue to be condemned by well-known intellectuals and even some wannabes.

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::::::::::[Derf Shaya]::::::::

...A dark alley...

Upon turning into this ~~alley~~ from the busy streets, you realize that this area is totally ~~void~~ of light from the streetlamps and noise from the roads. You see a man in crumpled clothing. He wears a torn straw hat.
(Copyright 2005, Derf Shaya)

shadowy wishes

become a sharp programmer
be able to write stories
train up to be strong
be healthy

shadowy eyes

XKCD

shadowy figures

Anison Dream - JAM on!
Kai Wei
夢見る冒険者
聖なるレイナ降臨
若い詩人の歌
普通にはそんなことって…
君と巡り合いたいわ
Yang
Sho-kun
Jian Zhou
Jun Yuan
Amanda
Chrispin
Krystle
sweix
Ze Kai
Jing Yuan
Boon Ling
Kang Wei
-Pow-

shadow links

blogger
tag-board

shadow stages

NarutoMUD - 12 (Student)

-声で遊ぶコミュニティ-

make some sense

Layout designer's notes...

best viewed in 1024 X 768 resolution. a brief history about the author pertaining to the theme of shadow of transcendence. it came about in the wee hours of the early morning while being whisked away into memories of the past etched deep within the mind. bittersweetness that tingled the tastebuds of her emotions and feelings, the only way out for true liberation from this reality is what is behind the shadow of transcendence; suicide. the taste of iron-rust blood coiled with the lingering bittersweetness is the only contemplation of which the simplicity of life has to offer in exchange for the shadow of transcendence. made in the heavens through one creator, an angel borne to serve man; fell from where it belonged to earth where its purity shadowed by boredom and nohing better to do.